Appreciate that!

Yeah this is a new concept for me. If it genuinely works and these family units are happy that is amazing for polyamorous people, I never knew you could do that!

I wouldn’t want to project my baggage on them or try to discourage that relationship if they can find happiness and love that’s what life’s for.

I was just worried about potential harm if it didn’t work out cause I know that situation would hurt me.

If that harm isn’t there and I’m just straight ignorant I do get where the downvotes are coming from. Clearly I’m at least 20x more ignorant than I thought so…

Do you tell everyone everything about your lives? Do you not know anyone who prefers privacy?

If it’s taboo to talk about polyamory but it’s not taboo to talk about and dye your hair, then that is honestly a bit of a clue to me as to which one society considers more normal.

But to answer your question…

Yeah that open relationship couple I mentioned basically no one knows about. I’m one of 4 people in our wider friend group who they knew they could trust would be chill about it.

They’re definitely not comfortable letting everyone know.

Wow, something you can physically see is obvious compared to something you have to be told about! I’m shocked. Shocked, I say. To the core.

Why are you mocking me about it? I didn’t create the blue hair dye analogy. It clearly has flaws, which is part of why I responded to critique the analogy. It’s a bad comparison, I agree.

Yes, polyamory is less visible than blue hair. You’re right it would be harder to spot. That would be really important to take into account this visibility bias.

In fact I did take it into account, and despite that I felt at the time it’s still a lot more common to dye your hair.

The Kinsey Institute reported (going off memory here) that about 10% of Americans have been in poly relationships, and about 15-20% are interested, with about 5% actively in a poly relationship.

Yep someone posted a study showing similar numbers on a different comment. That seems to corroborate the same stat.

There are definitely way more than you think, since you’re basing it solely on people you know being interested in telling you about it.

Yep, about 20x more than I thought. Crazy!

I think you’re right. We have to make assumptions to answer OPs question on whether she should be uncomfortable in light of so much missing info.

More information on how the boys feel about this arrangement would be really helpful in alleviating some of my fears, but the post is based exclusively on information from the daughter’s POV so there’s really no choice but trying to fill in the blanks to try to put the answer together.

I think that OP is intelligent enough to look into her own situation and decide whether my assumptions are applicable or not and discard my comment if the boys are really aware and content about this arrangement.

1 out of 9 people (10.7%) have engaged in polyamory at some point during their life

Sorry, is that strictly consenting polyamorous relationships?

People who cheat on their partners aren’t being thrown in there are they?

If not, I should eat my hat, that’s a way larger number than I could have imagined.

Edit: yes it appears that they’re talking about consensual non monogamy. That’s really interesting it really is more normal than I thought.

It is unfortunate that this doesn’t shed light on the success of those relationships and only whether or not they happen.

I would still suspect they’re less healthy and more complex to navigate on average compared to monogamy but we have no way to make a claim on that one way or the other it seems.

… How would you possibly know they are poly aside from blatantly seeing them make out in front of you?

They could tell me? Lol. Do you have small talk with your acquaintances?

Of all my friends, family and acquaintances I have one non binary friend who is polyamorous but not currently in a poly relationship and one friend who is not poly but has an open relationship.

Compared to people I know who have dyed their hair blue, they do not seem as statistically frequent.

If you have a study on population size or something you could easily change my mind.

This is all built on the bias of personal anecdotes because I’m not very familiar with polyamory because I basically never hear of it being tried except online.

If it’s more common than I suggest please enlighten me.

I’d guess it’s under 0.5 percent of relationships just completely out of my ass to give you a target to disprove and shoot down if I’m that blatantly wrong.

Man I have never felt more out of touch than reading this thread.

Those poor boys have feelings, they really like this girl, and instead of being upfront with her feelings with them she’s going to take advantage of both of them and their inexperience to force them into such a damaging and toxic relationship.

It is so fucking hard being in love with your best friend at that age and not wanting to lose the friendship and blaming yourself for your own feelings for the fact that this unhealthy non monogamous relationship is destroying them on the inside but they still care about the person who’s taking advantage of them.

Do we just not care about what’s going to happen to these young men’s hearts when all the jealousy and resentment comes to roost?

Or do we not think about it?

Not believe it’ll happen because we insist this is actually a healthy dynamic?

There’s nothing wrong with being poly and going out into the poly community to find a relationship where consent is understood.

It’s another thing to convince your two closest friends to become poly as minors in maybe their first relationships.

Do they really understand and consent to a thruple, or do they just have feelings for their friend and are told this is how they can shoot their shot?

What is the thought process on being unable to see the “poor decision”? It seems so obvious. Am I just old and brainwashed by society? This seems wrong in this specific situation. This seems like it will end in pain and heartbreak and the daughter is being selfish and uncaring towards her friends feelings and needs to understand that.

If she’s poly that’s okay, but this doesn’t seem like the cleanest most consenting poly couple here. This seems like a bunch of kids being idiots about their first attempts at love who could use some gentle guidance on how to treat people in a relationship.

It’s definitely not as normal as dying your hair blue if were comparing percents of population. It’s a lot more rare.

While I fully support the right for consenting adults to express love however they want, I can’t help but feel this dynamic is incredibly unhealthy and I worry about the kids.

I seriously doubt it’s “normal” for these types of relationships to be successful. The power dynamic is just so off. Humans are jealous creatures.

Maybe that’s my biases, I don’t actually know, but if i saw successful polyamoric couples walking around anywhere close to the rate i see blue haired people that would go a long way to changing my mind.

So? Not everyone lives in your country either.

OP is right, many poor people don’t have therapy covered and that’s a calculus they have to deal with.

You rubbing in your free therapy doesn’t help anyone in countries that aren’t yours.

Oh sorry. You’re right, you’re allowed to give up.

I have 100% confidence that you personally had negative experiences in the past trying to get stuff like this working. Like I fully believe you.

I’ve just done this before you know? I know what these tools are and how easy they are! I use ffmpeg.

Im also 100% sure that, if you had put that aside the attitude that it would be a time waste and you had just given it an honest try, me or a bunch of different people on this thread would have easily helped you get it working by now.

Maybe it’d take a couple comments back and forth, but weve already expensed that effort arguing. And I know for a fact it would’ve taken less effort than we’ve spent so far.

It’s okay for you to give up, but you gotta realize how it feels for us to hear you complain, for us to know with certainty we can help you, and not feel a little frustrated when you refuse the help while continuing to complain.

Everytime you keep popping up in the thread complaining about this non existent problem it just hurts cause it’s so easily solvable.

But you’re right, no matter how easy this is I can’t force you to try. So, cheers!

Right, but I just pointed out to you why it wouldn’t work and how to fix it.

So if you had followed my instructions they would have worked.

I didn’t put the “and” in the commands, I copied and pasted them from the comment above

Yes you did, but you copy pasted two different commands connected with “and”.

The word “and” isn’t meant to be typed into the cli. They’re stringing together two different lines.

but thank you for illustrating my point so very well.

If your point was that it’s easy to copy and paste I’m confused how I helped.

It is easy to copy and paste though. People generally format the commands like I did instead of in the middle of a sentence like OP did where you can make parsing mistakes.

I read through your comments. I’ve also used ffmpeg.

You say you don’t have time but it takes less time than you’ve spent arguing.

This isn’t other people’s problem, this is your learned helplessness as much as you refuse to admit it.

Lol, apparently it is hard. You were supposed to enter

convert 001.jpg example.pdf

And

ffmpeg -i rock.mp4 rock.avi

By putting the “and” in the commands you just caused an error lol

No one has suggested tools that require specialty knowledge.

You just haven’t tried and keep placing arbitrary obstacles in front of yourself.

"Almost heaven, West Virginia. Blue Ridge Mountains, Shanendoah River.

Life is old there, older than the trees.

Younger than the mountains, growing like the breeze.

Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong"

What about roman numeral i?

Why would you do that?

You have to wait for the last work in the sentence anyway so doing extra calculations to throw out later isn’t making it faster.

But times change and the cost of free tier users surpasses that of paying users. Should the company continue providing the same level of service for free tier users?

“Times changing” here seems to be the central trick to the argument.

What’s interesting about enshittification is that as the company gets more and more profitable there seems to be more and more excuses as to why these free features are so costly.

It’s very easy for a company to put out a statement that times are changing and that the free tier is unaffordable. Is that always true? Who’s to say?

I’m sure sometimes it is true but the doubt is why arguments like this will never go away.

Also, what other term than entitlement would you use for somebody gets something for free, is not promised that it will stay free forever, the free offering is cancelled or limited, and the user starts complaining?

What other term than incompetent would you use for a company that puts out a free product, attracts a bunch of free users, abruptly cuts access for those features and puts it behind a paywall, and then acts surprised when those same users complain about it.

If you want to make a business move go ahead, it’s your right, but accept the complaints from your user base you predictably pissed off.

A lot of what you said here is an implication of subjectivism, but not an argument for it.

Of course? We’re trying to understand why these students in a classroom are so strongly subjective, not convert each other.

They were confused what their students meant by subjectivism and that they don’t think the students understand what they mean.

I’m putting into context why subjectivism is the defacto moral standard in an empirical society.

Subjectivism is like the null hypothesis, it’s the default. If you want to claim objectivism, you have to prove this objective realm exists… but it’s an unfalsifiable thing?

Subjectivism about morality is no more an implication of an empiricist worldview than subjectivism about the shape of the Earth.

I’m not sure what point you’re making. What implies what doesn’t really matter for truth.

I was making a point that since a lot of people are empiricists by default that implies they’d be subjectivists. That doesn’t mean I was saying they’re right.

What you’re suggesting here sounds a lot like the logical positivists’ position on ethics. The descriptive is falsifiable, the normative is not, so it must be subjective.

This isn’t what I’m suggesting, it’s what I’m observing. This is my theory for why society is so strongly subjectivist.

We both already agreed this isn’t an argument for or against, I’m putting in context why society thinks why it does.

I’ve made a few personal arguments below but this was more a starting point, there’s just too much criticism to preempt its better to wait and have that conversation and address it as its brought up.

The problem with that view is that we can’t draw neat lines between the normative and the descriptive. If I’m attempting to model the world descriptively, I’m still going to be guided by normative considerations about what constitutes a good model. Science is not purely empirical, and ethics is not purely normative. Philosophy in general is not a discrete subject, separate from science. The two are continuous.

Can you elaborate on “Science is not purely empirical, and ethics is not purely normative.”

I bring up the is-ought problem in an argument below as evidence of subjectivist. The “is” lives in the external world we collect empirical data on, the “ought” is unique to our brains and subject to our own experiences

I would like to understand what you mean before I disagree (I might not but I think i do)

and you base that expectation on what?

hopes and dreams?

I’m sorry, what?

this is predicated on a false assumption. you don’t know ants and humans experience different subjective experiences, you just strongly suspect it.

Sure, in the same way I have no knowledge of anything except “I think therefore I am”.

If you apply this level of skepticism it’s impossible to move beyind solipsism.

You’re free to apply that standard, I wouldn’t be able to prove knowledge beyond it and then all conversation stops here.

If you’ll at least grant me a mutual belief in the external world so we can probe it and collect empirical data we can “pretend” is knowledge then we can build up a more interesting philosophy beyond “I don’t believe anything exists at all but me”.

knowing =/= suspecting. which is why you follow this illogic down to an incorrect conclusion of your “expectation.”

No, I follow it because out of utility I’d like a more useful philosophy than solipsism.

the greatest challenge of our age is dispelling the victorian myth that knowledge of the real world is untouchable to us.

What? That’s literally what you just argued? Now you’re trying to dispel it?

the distinction between you and other does exist, but we are not locked out of the world. we can deduce real facts about things outside our perception.

Why should I not respond “this is predicated on a false assumption. you don’t know real facts outside your perception you just strongly suspect it.”?

You just flipped your argument around 180 degrees?