Title is a bit much so let me explain.

The world has all kinds of terrible things that the individual can do basically nothing about. Luckily, for most of us it has no direct impact and we are able to ignore the painful reality. But what if you were in a situation where it did impact you? In a way that is part of your everyday. What if for years you are struggling with the internal conflict of “there is nothing I can do about it” and “I can’t continue like this”?

As for the drugs, I specifically mean weed and specifically for the days where I find it too hard to ignore. I find myself thinking that if I get high I will have an easier time ignoring the pain and doing something good like cleaning or working.

Notes:

  • Don’t bother with telling me that even the individual has the power to make great changes, I believe it and I’m doing my best, but I am also aware of the fact that this situation will not be changed in my lifetime probably.
  • I’m not suicidal, I don’t harm myself and while I can tell that lately I have been using weed too much, I don’t think I am abusing it. I’m logging my usage and I review it weekly, If it get’s out of hand I will know (I think)
  • I’m mostly asking about using external stimulation as a form of escapism
  • Yes, I need therapy, sadly it is expensive. Yes I am looking for options.

EDIT: Thanks to all of the replies, I have read them all but I don’t want to respond to all of them. I think this post helped, so thank you!

  • @jordanlund@lemmy.world
    4•2 days ago

    Sooo… when I took a motorcycle training class, they taught us a life skill that keeps you alive while biking, but at the same time is a valuable life skill outside biking:

    SIPDE

    1. Survey your environment.
    2. Identify potential problems.
    3. Predict what will happen.
    4. Decide what you’re going to do.
    5. Execute your plan.

    For example:

    I was riding my bike to work, the rising sun was at my back, and I see a car in front of me with her left turn blinker on.

    1. Oh, crap, there’s a car.
    2. No way she sees me with the sun behind me.
    3. She’s going to pull out in front of me.
    4. I better put my hands on the brakes now.
    5. She pulled out in front of me, I hit the brakes which is why I can tell you this story now.

    Now, you might not ever be on a motorcycle, so this is an extreme example, but weed interferes with the process that can help keep you safe anywhere and everywhere.

    There are many problems and threats in life, intentionally ganking your perception of them may make you feel better, but in the end is not helpful with dealing with them.

    • @MTK@lemmy.worldOP
      3•2 days ago

      But what if nothing helps the situation?

      Your approach is great, but if I did the SIP and now I’m stuck. I can’t fix the issue and my ways of making sure it can’t hurt me as much would mean sacrificing too much. So I can’t really do the DE part and I am stuck knowing that I either continue to let it hurt me or I do something that would hurt me in other ways. This is a no-win-situation.

      So now I’m essentially treating symptoms, weed helps with that.

      • @jordanlund@lemmy.world
        3•2 days ago

        You may not be able to help the situation, but your #1 priority is to protect yourself.

        Think of it like this, there are a wide variety of things going on right now that are 110% outside our control. How do you best insulate yourself from the worst of it? How can you make it so it impacts you less?

        You don’t have to actually solve the problem, all you have to do is make sure you come out the other side with as little emotional/physical/psychological damage as possible.

        Maybe that means getting help from other people, which is what you’re doing here. Maybe it means reaching out to your in person support structure. Maybe it means admitting to someone else you need help, which is the hardest damn thing to do.

        I don’t have all the answers, all I can say is you need to look out for yourself, and things that make that harder to do (like weed) aren’t your friends.