As the male social circle continues to shrink, their partners have to take on much more emotional labour – and many are opting to spend their lives alone instead
I generally agree with the sentiment of the article, but I do take issue with this part:
Get a therapist. Join some clubs. Develop a well-rounded social circle. It will enrich you beyond words.
For men who have already done the self-work and already go to a therapist and have never had a single emotional support at all, this is heartbreaking. The clubs are all full of men who refuse to do this kind of emotional self-labor and self-regulation and why would I, as a man who has, have any interest in being friends with these groups of men? Is it my fault that I’m surrounded by men who refuse to develop as people and that leaves me with an incredibly small social circle of trustworthy people to be able to share my emotional support needs with? I want to be enriched by a trustworthy social circle but I live in the USA and I am literally emotionally starved. I have never had emotional support from family, from friends, and hardly any from women. Why must I, someone who has done the labor of trying to be a better person, be punished for how other men continue to fail?
The closest I’ve found to a “club” that I actually enjoy being a part of is the private tracker community, and there’s still a fairly large contingent of assholes in that community. The people who are decent are half a world away from me. One of my closest friends that I made in the private tracker game is from Germany. He’s a hell of a dude but it’s very unlikely I will ever be able to meet him in person.
Why is it my fault as an individual man who has put in the work that I struggle to find other men who also put in the work? It just seems like a cruel joke to be alive for this. I’m doing the work, it’s not my fault other men aren’t which leaves me with… *checks notes… still no emotional support network.
I’m glad you’ve put in the work, and I’m sorry your community of men is failing you. I think it’s probably dependent on where in the country you are, but leftist political spaces have quite a few men who have put in the work. Not all of them, but that’s the only thing I can think of that doesn’t require you to have a specific interest. You’d be surprised how many fully actualized people you’ll meet volunteering somewhere, even just once a month.
I generally agree with the sentiment of the article, but I do take issue with this part:
For men who have already done the self-work and already go to a therapist and have never had a single emotional support at all, this is heartbreaking. The clubs are all full of men who refuse to do this kind of emotional self-labor and self-regulation and why would I, as a man who has, have any interest in being friends with these groups of men? Is it my fault that I’m surrounded by men who refuse to develop as people and that leaves me with an incredibly small social circle of trustworthy people to be able to share my emotional support needs with? I want to be enriched by a trustworthy social circle but I live in the USA and I am literally emotionally starved. I have never had emotional support from family, from friends, and hardly any from women. Why must I, someone who has done the labor of trying to be a better person, be punished for how other men continue to fail?
The closest I’ve found to a “club” that I actually enjoy being a part of is the private tracker community, and there’s still a fairly large contingent of assholes in that community. The people who are decent are half a world away from me. One of my closest friends that I made in the private tracker game is from Germany. He’s a hell of a dude but it’s very unlikely I will ever be able to meet him in person.
Why is it my fault as an individual man who has put in the work that I struggle to find other men who also put in the work? It just seems like a cruel joke to be alive for this. I’m doing the work, it’s not my fault other men aren’t which leaves me with… *checks notes… still no emotional support network.
I’m glad you’ve put in the work, and I’m sorry your community of men is failing you. I think it’s probably dependent on where in the country you are, but leftist political spaces have quite a few men who have put in the work. Not all of them, but that’s the only thing I can think of that doesn’t require you to have a specific interest. You’d be surprised how many fully actualized people you’ll meet volunteering somewhere, even just once a month.
It’s true, I’m in a right-wing hell-hole and that makes it hard. Thanks for the kindness.