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I appreciate how your posts are immediately recognizable, even before seeing the username.
Hell I don’t even have to use CIA powers to spy on Violet, I just check her shit posts and I know what(who) she’s doing and where she’s at
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Men and women are playing fundamentally different games when on the dating apps.
Even unattractive women can go from clearing out their inbox to having 30 or 40 likes/swipes in a couple of hours, with basically no effort required on their part. If they are conventionally attractive, that number goes way up. Eventually, they’ll run dry of the pool and it will slow down significantly, but there will always be more men cycling in over time. It’s easy and effortless, but unfortunately it’s not all rosy for the gals. There’s a serious lack of quality in the hordes of horny men. If your objective was just to hook up with someone, you could easily reel in the most handsome guy who swiped on your profile, but if you want someone who is husband/partner material, you have to separate the wheat from the chaff, and that’s hard to do when opening the app sometimes feels like a chore, even if it gives you a confidence/ego boost.
For men, on the other hand, it’s mostly a numbers game. Sure, you actually have to try when you do match with someone, you skim their profile and look for something to hook onto and cold open hoping that they notice and appreciate that you took the time to read about them rather than just belting out “ey bby u want sum fuk?”. But you can’t get too attached to any one potential match - not getting a response or getting ghosted is quite common. Attractive men do not have it much easier, since there’s so much noise in the system that unless you are that person’s type, or an absolute unicorn, you still have to distinguish yourself through conversation and prove you are not a weirdo.
I agree with you though, paying to get your profile boosted, while obviously a good business tactic from the app devs, feels wrong and scummy. When I did it, I rationalized that I was simply paying for the service and it was not just me paying to be matched up with someone, or presenting a badge on my profile that says “I have enough expendable income to pay to be noticed”.
I think we lost something when courtship shifted from real-life engagements to online spaces. Something fundamental to the chemistry of attraction and romance.
Unfortunately I heard the ghosting is actually coming from the app itself. I heard horror stories were the app blocked your messages and such and vis vesa. The app today don’t want you to find someone just keep you on the app.
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I know people who don’t pay and do ok on the apps. I don’t know if it’s your area or your profile, but maybe try to get some feedback from women irl or online if you haven’t already. I know a lot of millennial women got off the apps a bit back, so that might also be a factor.
I’m terrified of becoming an internet post now if I approach someone.
For what it’s worth, I’ve generally only seen this sentiment from people who don’t know how to behave around women. Maybe you’re an exception, but most normal guys I know don’t have an issue with that. They may be nervous to approach, but never out of fear of being lambasted online. If this is a real concern for you, I’d suggest reading some of these posts and just not behaving in the way they have an issue with.
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Honestly, I respect you and your approach. Speed dating is an option, it is somewhat organic, or at least it mimics the thing, but as a word of advice, avoid the free ones. There are events on my city that charge around $20, with $10 out of the fee being consumable at the cafe where they host them, and the difference in quality of people is massive. And worst case scenario, at least I can count it as an afternoon out, with a good piece of pie.
I feel for you dude, and sadly, I have seen your fear materialize. Made a comment a few min ago on this thread, I’m gay, and even I got posted on one of those internet forums, to the point someone took and posted pictures of me at work, without my permission or awareness. Sometimes, some people are so toxic that they will lash out, to no fault of your own and attempt to hurt you.
Keep your standards high, build a circle of friends, and honestly man, my heart hurts for you, straight people dating is beyond fucked now, and has been for a while.
so it’s a lot of religious conservatives. we don’t mesh.
I had the impulse to reply to
meanwhile Im progressive, have a good job, own property,
with a mocking
that’s your problem!
and it turns out that it is your problem. /s
Edit:
Turns out you are conservative:
and I’m not going to parent anyones kids.
Because not wanting to be a parent automatically makes one a conservative, got it.
You do know that some people just don’t want kids at all, Right? And then there is the added danger, in case of a separation, even without marrying the woman, that the guy who according to the courts, acted as a father figure, gets hit with child support, and even alimony?
Lots of people act like it is conservative or incel behavior to try to protect oneself from systems designed to exploit and harm us.
You have made the decision before you met a child and their mother. If the sunday morning space is essential then the child makes it difficult but maybe the child stays the weekend with their father and for the rest of the week you like their company.
It feels like you look for a woman who fits into your plans instead of trying with an open mind. I am not in the position to tell you that it is wrong, or if it is true at all, but if you want my guess then that’s were I think you can improve your odds.
Way to bark at the wrong tree, I’m gay, I don’t look for women but sure, go off and claim I’m a conservative, lol. It is perfectly normal, natural and healthy to have, expect and respect boundaries, and there are also non negotiables.
So, if you feel asking men to disregard their non negotiables is perfectly valid, Would you ask the same from women? And if so, that’s just fucked up and unhealthy, I recommend you read and meditate on that.
If my non negotiables include not dating people with kids, you don’t know my reasons. Blindly asking me to disregard them and get to know them first, it is setting me up for failure. I will not expand on my reasons for children being a non-starter, because it is traumatic and I don’t owe you an explanation.
you don’t know my reasons.
makes me suspect a bunch of bad ones tho.
Way to bark at the wrong tree
Right, I mistook you for the parent poster.
I will not expand on my reasons
Very reasonable. Only share what you want to share.
Honestly, that can happen to anybody. I am not even interested in women and I don’t date at work. Still got posted on AWDTS, with pictures of me taken without my knowledge, at work, and posted as “An aloof asshole, who I was told in confidence has a small, ugly dick anyway”.
Im gay and was happily married to a guy at the time, of course I can look aloof, I’m both gay and autistic, and that did a number on my self confidence, along with the replies that message got. My best friend’s sister found the post, found it funny and shared captures with me, without knowing how much that was going to fuck with my head.
My main evolution in the past decade is I don’t blame women anymore. I just blame toxic social culture and predatory dating apps.
I guess I’m an elder millennial now. Got the greying hair and all.
I had pretty good success on the dating apps without paying. Location is a big factor. But also, as the saying goes, “the bar for men is in hell”. I think just having a reasonable conversation and caring about her put me a tier above the average.
Of course, the apps are profit seeking machines that don’t especially want you to be happy. They can work, but they’re not trying to.
I’m pretty sure the apps algorithm didn’t think I’d click with my partner. It feels very much “pretty close”, like they wanted me to have a few dates and move on. But to everyone’s surprise we really got on, despite things that superficially looked incompatible.
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I think just having a reasonable conversation and caring about her put me a tier above the average.
That’s assuming you get to the point where you are having a conversation.
True. Having some reasonable photos and sending a good first message helps with that. Ask your friends of your desired gender to look at your profile. (If you have no such friends, maybe work on that, too.)
Some people just write “hey” and that’s a really poor strategy. Write something that plays off their profile.
Also don’t spend too long chatting on the app. Initial exchange, like 1-3 more volleys, clear any deal breakers, ask them out. You want to get in person so all the normal human things like body language work for you, and the siren song of new matches is somewhat muted.
Inside you there are seven wolves
oh my God, take them out!
I came here smiling, yet you made me chuckle.
….brazzers
Which of the wolves are you? Sure not the sheep
Obviously the one going for armpit action at top right
Hm or the meme is just accurate but she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Or three wolves in a trenchcoat
Got anyway to separate the chaff from the rod? 🤣
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For good looking women I don’t think it will be very different anywhere else.
If I remember correctly, tinder has way more guys than women. From everything I’ve read it’s not worth using for most guys. In general dating apps suck (or so I’ve heard).
Just curious are you South Korean?
no, i’m Swiss
You’re talking about the IRC messenger?
No I’m using IRC as an acronym for “If I remember correctly”
That’s IIRC. Using IRC for that confuses us nerds. Don’t.
Ah yes I had a typo. Edited.
The art is pretty cool, who made it?
Well, I am a reasonable guy (I think and hope. The global bias often makes me question myself twice) and have been on dating apps. They were all pretty silent for me. I think being not showing and interested, nothing will happen on there especially for a guy, because women are occupied by guys that are bothersome and one of them might seem fine. That is the reason why I left dating apps again. It’s nothing but a meat festival and the fight for who gets the meat… The strategy between men and women is just different. Men are the bothering ones and women need to choose (which is no different than on parties or even in primitive cultures actually but it’s all a statistics, so it doesn’t count for everybody). But I don’t want to bother other people, I dont even want to waste my energy for that. So I just moved away again, because I am an outlier.
If you’re in SK then you gotta go see this
Oooooh, cool meme template!
