I don’t know if it’s a gender thing, a location thing, or just my vibe (I’m a woman from Connecticut and I’m an autistic vegan with a septum ring who presents pretty butch), but this has happened exactly once to me. It was, unfortunately, my best friend making a mildly antisemitic joke to me and another acquaintance of mine she’d never met, at his expense. Fortunately, however, I took her aside and was able to get through to her. She was adamant that she wasn’t antisemitic, but “the joke was right there.” I explained that it’s like the “make me a sandwich” or “tits or gtfo” jokes, where in one instance, they might not be so bad, but they wear on you and make you so wary of hearing them that you start to think about your wording, and they other you over time. She understood, so well that she felt awful about it and apologized, and has occasionally mentioned the interaction several times since as a pivotal moment for her.